Living Happily through Less Emotion To feel more good about your life – stop taking that which gets you emotional so seriously

We all have areas in our lives where our emotions control us more than we want. Maybe we have a complex relationship with food – obsessively counting calories or always eating too much. Maybe it’s exercise – either dreading to work out or compulsively going to the gym every day. Or maybe it’s money – pinching every penny we can or always spending more than we can afford.

In every area, there is a healthy middle in between the two extremes. But why do we struggle so much to find it?

Because we take those things too seriously. 

We fear being unhealthy, so we feel we “have to” deprive ourselves of eating anything sugary. Or maybe we fear that we are eating too little if we ever feel even the slightest hunger, so we over-eat at every meal. 

It’s our emotions that get us to fall towards the extremes. But if we got into this mess by being too caught up in our emotions, we can also get out of it by taking some of the emotions out. And the way to take emotions out is to simply say: 

“Why be so serious? It’s just [food/exercise/my appearance…] after all” 

This simple sentence takes the emotional power out of whatever you insert into it. And it works just as well if you are either the low or the high extreme. You just need to add an extra sentence at the end. For example, if your problem is fretting constantly about what you eat and depriving yourself of anything sugary, you might say:

“It’s just food after all. I don’t need to obsessively count calories.” 

If your problem instead is that you constantly need something to nibble on for fear being hungry, you might instead say:

“It’s just food after all. I’m not going to die if I skip a meal.”

Similarly, you can take the emotion out of exercise, money, or whichever area your emotions control you – regardless of whether you are at the low or the high extreme. 

Take emotions out of:

exercising more: “It’s just exercise after all. My muscles won’t break if I work them a little.”
exercising less: “It’s just exercise after all. I don’t need to work out every day or push myself so hard.”

spending more: It’s just money, after all. I don’t have to deprive myself and pinch every penny.”
spending less: “It’s just money, after all. I don’t need to spend lavishly to impress others just because I can.”

taking more free time: “It’s just free time. Things are not going to fall apart if I take a few days off work.”
taking less free time: “It’s just free time. I don’t need this much personal time to have a healthy work-life balance.”

The key when using the phrase “It’s only X after all” is to combine it with rational moderation. To say:

“It’s only wine. Five glasses isn’t going to kill me.”

is not exactly being rational about consuming a moderate amount. The phrase “It’s only X after all” is only meant to soften the emotions that are keeping you at the unhealthy extreme. Not to justify you being there. 

That is why we need rational moderation – to realize where on the spectrum we currently are. Only by being aware of whether our actions are at the extreme high, the extreme low, or already in the healthy middle can we realize what to do. Changing our lives to a healthier middle just requires us to ask these four questions?

  1. Where in my life do my emotions make me act compulsively? 
  2. Am I currently in the extreme high, the extreme low, or am I already in the middle?
  3. What emotions am I experiencing here? Worry? Guilt? Fear? 
  4. How can I start using “It’s only X after all” to take some of these emotions out? 

Which areas in your life can you develop a healthier relationship to?

Ultimately, the Journey Is All That Matters If you want to be successfully happy – choose the journey you would be most willing to fail at

Most of us have experienced a sentence that has made a lasting impact on how we think about the world. My such sentence came from the author Napolean Hill and is just three words short: 

“Ultimately, nothing matters.”

This phrase shook me so much because I have always been obsessed about accomplishing things in my life. In school, I obsessed about great grades. In my hobby with chess, I obsessed about becoming better and winning more games. When founding my non-profit math academy Eureka, I obsessed about how many students I could impact. 

Like most people, I put myself on a treadmill towards always striving for more. Hill’s three words that “Ultimately, nothing matters” turned my world so upside-down because I realized that he was right! In the grand scheme of things, what did it matter how good my grades were? What did it matter if I won every chess game I played? What did it matter how many students I helped become better at maths?

Things only matter because we humans decide they matter. But in the grand scheme of things, we humans are so insignificant that we wouldn’t even qualify for a temporary pleck of dust on the universe’s windshield. But if we humans are but a microscopic whisp of smoke, does it matter what we think matters?

Of course not!

If you live a completely boring and uninteresting life, will it matter to anyone a hundred years from now? 

Of course not!

Now, what if you build the next Microsoft, discover a permanent cure for cancer, or solve world hunger? That would certainly matter…

to a tiny portion of the human population…
during an extremely small period of the human race’s history…
which will exist for but a micro portion of the universe’s lifetime…
on just one of its 700 quintillion planets. 

No matter how irrelevant or grandiose your accomplishment, ultimately nothing matters. Even the greatest of achievements are soon forgotten and relegated to the dustbin of history as if they had never happened. And even if you do make an extraordinary lasting impact on the world, someone else would have done the same thing, only a few years later. If Steve Jobs hadn’t built Apple someone else would have done so, only a few years later. If Thomas Edison hadn’t invented the light bulb someone else would have done so, only a few years later. If Beyoncé had never released her best-selling songs someone else would have done so, only a few years later.

Ultimately, nothing you accomplish will matter. So don’t waste your precious life obsessing over the outcome of your efforts. Because that outcome, ultimately, won’t matter. So how are we to find meaning in this world if it won’t matter what we accomplish? What are we to live for? I believe the answer lies in  asking ourselves this question: 

“How would I want to live my life if I knew I would always fail at whatever I did?”

If Steve Jobs had failed at building Apple, would he still have loved technology and great design?
If Thomas Edison had never gotten any of his inventions to work, would he still have loved inventing?
If Beyoncé had never made a single hit, would she still have loved being a musician?

I believe the answer to all of the above is “Yes!”. We should not waste our lives pursuing a certain outcome and regarding ourselves as failures if we don’t “make it”. Instead, we should find something – a mission, a passion, a cause – that is so compelling that even if we knew we would fail at it, there is nothing else we would rather spend our lives pursuing. 

For me, my answer to the above question is to be an entrepreneur. I am so in love with the idea of finding overlooked opportunities and building beautifully engineered businesses to fulfill those needs, that I would still pursue this path even if I knew I would never succeed. I just can’t imagine myself doing anything else. If I can live my life as an entrepreneur, my life would have been fulfilled. 

While, ultimately, nothing matters, how you choose to live your life matters immensely to one person: 


So if nothing you accomplish will matter, make sure that you choose a pursuit where the journey itself is its greatest reward to you. That regardless if you ever reach your destination, your life will have been fulfilled by the journey of just trying to reach it. 

If you knew that you’d fail at whatever you decided to do, what would you be most willing to fail at? Seriously, if you had to choose your failure, what would it be? Would you most want to fail at discovering a vaccine for malaria? Would you prefer to fail at starting a movement for racial injustice? Or would you most want to fail at overturning our outdated education system? 

Whatever you would be most willing to fail at, that is ironically the path you are most likely to succeed at! Because you will be so in love with that idea that you will persist against any setbacks. While, ultimately, nothing matters, there is actually one thing that does matter

How happy you will be during the journey you choose to pursue. 

What would you spend your one life doing if you were free to not “have to” accomplish anything?
If you knew you would fail at whatever you did, which journey would you be most willing to fail at?

What would you spend your one life pursuing if the only thing that mattered was the journey on the way towards your goal?